


1000 Times

by Saint_Rick_The_Dick



Series: Hunger Hurts but Starving Works [2]
Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 01:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13602369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saint_Rick_The_Dick/pseuds/Saint_Rick_The_Dick
Summary: In another life I wouldn’t need to console myself as I resign to release you.





	1000 Times

It was time. The whole affair, it was long overdue, had been drawn out enough that now you thought of him as  _yours_ and such ideas, those foolish fantasies, they just  _would not do_. Falling in love had never occurred to you, had never factored into your actions or deeds, but once you made the awful realization, came to understand what it was your wretched heart had done, you knew there was only one path remaining in order to save yourself from the inevitability of the future.

The sound of the door - it always stuck in the same spot, required the handle to be jiggled just right - brought you back to the moment, and to what was about to happen.

Rick came in, brandishing his usual garish charm, that unbridled confidence which saturated everything he was or would  _ever_  be, and you watched, listened, as he chatted, made himself at home. You observed the way he shrugged his shoulders to remove his leather jacket, how he bounced on one foot, then the other, to take off his boots. You drank in the sight of his unruly hair, his slightly stubbled cheeks, his gaunt chest and perfect, narrow hips.

This was the last time you would ever see Rick Sanchez. You wanted to make sure you remembered  _everything._

When at last he stilled, silent, it was as if he’d taken notice of you fully for the first time since his arrival. His expression shifted from cocky and self-assured to…  _Uncertain._  It was an emotion to which you knew he was unaccustomed - Rick was  _always_  certain - and his question came with that confusion bundled up and conveyed in his voice.

“Hey uh - what’s up, baby? Y-you’re usually muuuuuch happier to see me.”

Briefly, you considered changing your mind. Maybe you didn’t need to do this. Maybe you were wrong, and all those silly daydreams, the secret delusions you harbored of a life that could be yours - a life with  _him_  - were possible. But your sense of self-preservation along with the cold, hard truth of who and what he was, would  _always_  be, came settling back in, made for a heavy weight low in the pit of your stomach. No, this was unavoidable. It  _must_  happen.

“I need you to leave, Rick.”

He blinked, stunned, cocked his head to the side. There it was again -  _uncertainty_ \- and it painted his features, made everything within you wish you could wipe the feeling away from him forever.

“I-I don’t - what are you -?”

This wasn’t working, your attempt to remain calm and detached, keep it  _simple._  He was heading towards you now, and you knew if he closed the distance, if he  _touched_  you, your already weakened resolve would crumble. You stood, backed away while shaking your head. That made him stop.

“Babe - ?“ He said your name, a plaintive sound. It made your chest hurt.

Your next words, chosen so very carefully, were intended to rend asunder this connection, the time spent, to spoil and destroy  _all of it_ ; a verbal wrecking ball. Gathering up every ounce of venom you possessed, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and decided to break his heart in order to preserve your own.

“Didn’t you hear me, asshole? I said Get.  _Out._  I  _never_  want to see you again, do you understand!? I want you out of my life! Stop - stop stinking up my fucking apartment! Stop bringing your shitty friends around! You suck! Your music sucks! Don’t contact me. Just GO. Fucking GO. And don’t … Don’t  _ever_  come back.”

As your voice pitched up, cracking, you choked on the tears held so tightly in check, praying they wouldn’t betray you. Rick was immobile aside from his rapid blinks, the rise and fall of his chest, but you could see the turmoil in his eyes, in the hard, straight line of his mouth. He’d never been the emotional type, and for as long as you’d known him he’d shied away from passionate overtures, showy displays. Sex and physical affection were his preferences. And so when he exploded at last in a flurry of indignant rage, self-righteous anger, you knew you’d won.

“You think - you think you can do this? That you’re - y-y-you can fucking dump  _me_?! Well  _fuck you,_  you bitch! Do you know who I am, huh? I-I don’t need this shit. I don’t need  _you_! Do you - I-I-I have so many - so many fucking other… Other….  _Fuck you_. You never want to see me again? Well wish fucking granted. Have a nice  _fucking_  life!”

He didn’t bother to look back when he walked out the door.

When you heard it slam, the wood rattle the frame signaling his departure from this space, your  _life,_  you wailed, fell to your knees. You sobbed and screamed and pounded the floor with every bit of pitiful misery, the dregs of your self-inflicted anguish. Pulled under by the death throes of your stupid, wistful heart, you willed yourself to inert calm, quiet submission, until you had nothing left and all you could do was lay there, spent and useless. The shadows grew longer and longer, stretching out to fill the silence. Darkness, night arrived, and it was then that you collected what was left of who you were, and let him go.  

Because you had to let it go - let  _him_ go - forever.

And forever only had one meaning.


End file.
